good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
