you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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