you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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