next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
