Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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