I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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