That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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