He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
