I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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