we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
