i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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