For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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