if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
