rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
