Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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