i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
