remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
