my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize