And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I deserve this hangover.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
