i permit you to call me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
