I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
