Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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