I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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