Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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