Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
