Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
