break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
