Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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