of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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