I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
