Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
