Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
