Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
this is an emotional support booty call
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
