I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
