Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
