True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
