I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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