god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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