I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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