the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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