Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
