maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
