I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize