1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
