oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
