What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
