he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
