he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
