he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize