omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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