Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
