I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
