Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
