God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
