How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
