break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
