I skipped work to stalk him.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
