I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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