U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
