Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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