hotel room ftw
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am mentally ready for anal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
