Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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