it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
