You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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