Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
