Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
