I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
