I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
