the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You are the jesus of drinking
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
