20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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