Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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