Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
