Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I need a burrito and a hug.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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