He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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