My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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