Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
