Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
