i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
