Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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