Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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