The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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