There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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