I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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