dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize