The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
