we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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