the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
