I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
