just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
