i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
