i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
