nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
