just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
