I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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