i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
